The Baack Paack

 

I caught up with an old friend the other day who had not seen me in years.  Once he got over the shock of what I now look like, we talked a lot about transformation.  He relayed a story to me that I had heard before, so I figured I would expand upon it and share it here.

 

Rewarding success and recognizing personal failures

 

Over the past two years I have had some amazing changes in my life, along with my wife.  Moving to a new location, finding a new tight group of friends, removing a lot of physical and mental weight from our lives, cross country commutes for work, as well as celebrating many many milestones, from running the first mile non stop, first 5k, first 10K, first 1/2 marathon, to simpler activities such as enjoying each and every moment of weekend exercise activities, even when they are hard as hell. (Such as the dreaded BLAP).

However for many, you face a transformation journey alone.  This can be a very daunting task.  Can I do this?  How do I keep myself accountable?  Who can I find to associate with on my journey?   These are all real questions that race through your heads, and are real honest difficult questions to grapple.   I was lucky enough, well, if you can call being told by my physician “You are going to die if you both keep doing what you are doing” lucky, to have an opportunity to start my transformation journey with my wife going on a similar journey at the same time.  We had a built in support system, each of us working towards a common goal of a healthier life.

Along the way, we had our massive successes as well as daily failures.  Some goals we crushed, others crushed us. Freakin’ cilantro!   As we continued down the path we realized that our focused changed from some of the activities of the past to new activities that we needed to conquer in order to see our change move forward.  This situation is not uncommon, as we progress – we start to transform.  This change begets more change, and as one progresses down the road, and likes the change that they are seeing, they look to find support from others who are on the same road.

Let’s think about life as well as a road race.  At work, do you aspire to the position above yours or the one beneath?  Do you look to your manager and think, “If I had that job, I could do XYZ..” or “If I had that job, my life would be easier?”  The same applies to a road race. You are out participating in a 5K road race.  As you are moving down the course, do you look in front of you and say “I am going to catch THAT person” knowing that they have a faster pace, so by “catching” them, you know you will have a “better” experience (finishing faster), or do you look over your shoulder behind you and say “I should follow them” and adjust your race to follow someone who is running at a slower pace than you?

All of us want to excel.  We want the recognition at work we deserve, or even in our personal lives for the accomplishments that we achieve.  Some boast about being addicted to collecting race medals, while others don’t seek the limelight, but look for the intrinsic value in the accomplishment that they have completed.   This desire to do well can evolve and grow with wanting to associate with others that are on the same path. We make positive decisions, which lead to positive results, and get hooked on the progress.  We look at the positive performance of others and want to see what they did to get to the level that they have accomplished.

• What is it that they are doing?
• Exercising more?
• Working harder?
• More focused on their eating plan?
• How do they balance work and life?

As we look to improve and dedicate the time, effort and energy to get to the “next level”, whether it be a new job or a new personal achievement, our need for support grows.  After all, we are no longer at the top of our game, but rather back down at the bottom as the newbie on the block, unsure of our actions, unaware of the effort that will be required to obtain what we are desiring. In my case, when I went from running 5Ks to my first 10K, I asked a lot of questions, gathered a lot of information and applied it to time and training.   Finding that support team was paramount for me to accomplish the next level of goals, and as my team grew in accomplishments and confidence, I grew. I witnessed progress with some of the team might have been slower due to our different level of commitment and focus (exercise, eating plan, rest, etc.) but having that support system allows us to see and start on the path to achieve the next level.

 

 Passing people by

On a road race, you are walking, jogging or running at a pace that is comfortable for you.  You progress past mile 1 and you come up on several people that you don’t know going slower, yet still moving forward on the same race.  What do you do?  Do you slow down and adjust your running speed to match their slower speed, or do you pass them by?

Most of us will check over our shoulder (to make sure no one is trying to pass us!) and weave around the slower participant, then get back to running our own race.  We don’t mean them any ill will, we just are just running a different pace, and we are a different point in our journey. That group might be focused getting a new runner to walk some run some, while you might be after a new Personal Record (PR) on your race.  You are all still working towards the same goal finishing the race, however, their goal has them traveling at a slower pace.  During races you will run into this situation hundreds of times.  Faster runners pass by the slower runners on the way to the end goal, completing the race.

Equating this to personal journeys, I have witnessed that there can be resentment for being “passed”.  Folks that have started a journey together, may find out that journey starts to separate from each other.  In some cases, dedication might wain with some participants, while others stay head strong.  In other cases, family or environmental changes might cause a setback with some members while others are able to continue on with their progress.  The obvious point that needs to be pointed out, is that we are all different!  In the case of weight loss, our bodies all react differently.  Some may see massive losses quickly, while others are more steady week by week.  Some handle certain foods and still loose body fat, others need to find other nutritional solutions.   However, all of these reasons that I have mentioned, as rational as they are, can be discarded in an instant when thoughts “go negative”.  Instead of an attitude of positivity in watching someone “passing” them in their own journey, their thoughts go negative.

“Skinny bit*%”

or

“She will crash at the next mile”

or

“What, are you too good for me now?”

 

A lot of these emotions don’t come out because of a real dislike for the person “passing” them, but rather a personal manifestation of an internal emotion.   Being upset with themselves, and projecting that dislike outward at those close to them.  The person “passing them by” could be a good friend, but in that moment, their strength highlights your weakness, and internal anger and bitterness is generated.  We all know it is easier to place negative feelings to an outside stressor than to accept them as the internal issue that we need to address ourselves.

Example:  “I am late for work because of the school bus on the road, or ..the damn red lights, or the crossing guard, or the sun right above the road throwing glare into the eyes of everyone going in the direction that I was, forcing everyone to slow down..or I couldn’t find a space in the lot due the big event going on here”  vs. the real excuse.

You didn’t plan accordingly.   You slept too late. 

It IS that simple.
Admit it, own it, and move on.

 

However, it is much easier to place blame on something else than admit that the hostility, the frustration, you are feeling comes from your own lack of action or lack of preparation.  Most of the people I know (including myself) on a weight loss transformation have engaged in this behavior in the past.

“It isn’t MY fault I can’t fit in an airlines seat, the damn airline changed to smaller seat belts!” (yeah, I actually said that)

“I could look as good as “[insert person here]” if I had their “[insert a thing here]” to workout with.”

Or

“What is with Jim?  Who does he think he is signing up for a bike race?  Doesn’t he know he is still fat like me?  What does he think he is doing?”

See where I am going here?
Instead of looking at the time, effort, and dedication put in by someone who might be “passing us by” and praise them on the effort, we internalize our own anger in the moment and choose to tear them down.  Often to the detriment of everyone involved.  Is this really who we want to be known as?   It takes a lot of pride swallowing and internal reflection to realize that you are engaging in this action, and even more to make a change to stop it.  Trust me, it isn’t easy to recognize and change.  Sadly, a lot of folks never engage in self reflection and choose to stay negative, mentally staying stuck “getting passed” on the race.  Which only feeds the cycle to repeat over and over again.

There is a great image floating around the internet that I included below.  I often have to think about it when I think about competition and how people are able progress, while others are stuck in a rut.

 

Your journey is your own.  No matter how much time you spend comparing it to someone else.  Your dedication, your nutrition management, the time you dedicate to transformation in the gym, meditating, or reading the journeys of others, is all based on decision that YOU make.  Realizing this is very empowering.  Realizing that you CAN control your destiny, your future, is very powerful. Realizing and achieving a life that you do not have to live your life obese, with high cholesterol, on medications IS possible.  Seize the moment.  Embrace the difficulties in your life and find a way, make a way if needed to overcome them. Find the joys in your life and surround yourself with them. Recognize the progress of others, and next time you get passed, shoot them a ‘thumbs up’ and a quick head nod – let them know you know how hard they are working…. Then take a deep breath, dig deep, and go catch them!